Over the last few weeks, my soul has been heavy, weighed down.
The analytical side of my brain wants to figure out why, while my creative side is simply huddled in a corner with an afghan wrapped around her, rocking back and forth.
This is known as a blue funk.
My writing has been at a standstill for weeks.
I haven't wanted to finish the Angels All Around afghan for Brenda Novak's For the Cure auction in May. Only two more angel squares before I stitch it together!
I haven't been reading, though I did download about seven more books onto my Kindle. All I've been doing are crosswords and playing Jewels Star on my phone.
Normally, it happens to me in October or November, but I think I was busy making candy, or crocheting the gazillion afghans I gave away, that I simply didn't have time for it.
It could simply be this cold weather languishing around. We did get a few warm days, but the cold and rain two nights ago successfully put a stopper in my happiness.
Fast forward a little--So I was chatting with a swim mom friend, Margaret (yes, that really is her name and she's a horse person, too!) a few days ago, asking her how her weekend was. She was so excited because her hubs and kiddo had been on a Boy Scout camping trip all weekend, and she could ride her horse.
She did more than just ride. She lived at the barn.
Wow, talk about being green with envy!
This is where our conversation changed a little. Margaret mentioned that I needed to smell manure and hay again, to inhale that special spiciness only horses have.
She mentioned she wanted me to ride the horse since she doesn't have enough time to get him into condition to sell as a hunter.
A win-win for both of us--I would be riding again, and she would be getting her horse into shape.
When I told hubs about this, his comment was that he didn't want to own another horse. Well, I don't want to own one either at this point in my life, but I did want a project to work on. And this riding would be a fun project.
Along with filling a dark, empty spot in my heart.
About a year and a half ago, I started riding a horse that was my old barn owner's pasture horse, but riding again lost its luster to ride simply for riding's sake. I didn't have a reason to keep riding a pasture horse. It served no purpose, so I stopped.
But Margaret's horse would serve a purpose. I would have a purpose in my life that is currently missing.
I think I'll take her up on it.
All I have to do is wait for the weather to cooperate, because riding in the cold and wet is not on my agenda!
Later, Peeps.
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
8/10/09
Deadly Isolation
***FYI--I wrote this on Saturday. Today is a better day, but I thought I would still run the post. Life isn't all wine and roses. Though, at this time, I'd be happy if the Stag's Leap Merlot was bottled and ready for consumption.***
Ever since I expanded my writing into another genre, I've experienced a surreal isolation. Oh, it's probably one of my own making, but I don't know what to do about it.
When I started writing full time, I hit every emotion on the spectrum, thank you very much. I kinda like the stability of working in the lab--there is no rollercoaster. Stress is due to the enviorment, not emotional upheaval. Trust me, periodic stress is far easier for me to deal with than emotional whammies.
All I can say is that it's freakin' depressing! An I'm not usually the one to get depressed!
I try to be there for other writers when they need encouragement, but it feels as if I don't get any thing back. Silence tends to do that. Dropping out of sight isn't really the signal-- 'Help! I need some encouragement'. It gives the impression, 'Oh, Margaret must be writing. I best not bother her.' When the opposite is really the case.
My sis-in-law is a good sounding board, but she has her own life along with living halfway across the country. My family thinks I'm a nut job or they just make fun of me and my stories or try to ignore me, with the exception of my nephew Matt. He's the only one who actually asks about my writing. Now that's a great kid. He's off to college in a few weeks, but for a teenager who knows how to speak to adults--he's the best. I wish him well in college. He's a smart kid--I know he'll do good.
*sigh* I don't fit in the romance world since I started writing middle grade novels. And I joined a local SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) group for one session. Oh, they welcomed me into the fold, but I didn't feel like I belonged. Friendships had been forged and I didn't really feel welcome into that group. Again, that was my feeling, but it might not have been what was really going on.
Writing middle grade has opened my writing voice. I like who I am as a writer, but not everyone does. Out of 19 query responses for my middle grade novel, I have 16 rejections. Most of them were personalized, i.e. they actually used my name, instead of Dear Author, and they mentioned the correct name of my novel. Trust me, that is an improvement. I did get requests from 3 agents. All are for partial manuscripts--the proverbial foot in the door--stops the door slamming in your face, but it doesn't open any wider. And I have 29 pending queries, but it's still early in the game, only 3 weeks into the process.
--and I have to admit this is the first time I've actually had more than two people request my story! YAY!
While I'm thinking about my next middle grade novel, I'm writing a romance (17K words into it) that I started a year and a half ago. It's a brand new story, though the plot is still the same. This novel has a lot of potential, but I don't belong to a romance group thus no support from that quarter. Again with the frustration due to my own making. I need to finish this rough draft before I allow anyone to see it as I'm too susceptible to other writers suggestions--not always to the benefit of the story.
I belong to a wonderful goals group, but I try not to whine to them. Sometimes it happens, but I try to keep on topic. I know they would show support, but they have their own problems to deal with. Again, with my own personal brand of isolation.
All in all, I'm trying to write without a support group of any kind, but it's hard.
I know, I know it's time to put on my big girl thong and hike it up--but, OW!--Damn it, that hurts!!
I feel better just venting on this blog, so what's a girl to do?
Write on, baby, write on!!
Ever since I expanded my writing into another genre, I've experienced a surreal isolation. Oh, it's probably one of my own making, but I don't know what to do about it.
When I started writing full time, I hit every emotion on the spectrum, thank you very much. I kinda like the stability of working in the lab--there is no rollercoaster. Stress is due to the enviorment, not emotional upheaval. Trust me, periodic stress is far easier for me to deal with than emotional whammies.
All I can say is that it's freakin' depressing! An I'm not usually the one to get depressed!
I try to be there for other writers when they need encouragement, but it feels as if I don't get any thing back. Silence tends to do that. Dropping out of sight isn't really the signal-- 'Help! I need some encouragement'. It gives the impression, 'Oh, Margaret must be writing. I best not bother her.' When the opposite is really the case.
My sis-in-law is a good sounding board, but she has her own life along with living halfway across the country. My family thinks I'm a nut job or they just make fun of me and my stories or try to ignore me, with the exception of my nephew Matt. He's the only one who actually asks about my writing. Now that's a great kid. He's off to college in a few weeks, but for a teenager who knows how to speak to adults--he's the best. I wish him well in college. He's a smart kid--I know he'll do good.
*sigh* I don't fit in the romance world since I started writing middle grade novels. And I joined a local SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) group for one session. Oh, they welcomed me into the fold, but I didn't feel like I belonged. Friendships had been forged and I didn't really feel welcome into that group. Again, that was my feeling, but it might not have been what was really going on.
Writing middle grade has opened my writing voice. I like who I am as a writer, but not everyone does. Out of 19 query responses for my middle grade novel, I have 16 rejections. Most of them were personalized, i.e. they actually used my name, instead of Dear Author, and they mentioned the correct name of my novel. Trust me, that is an improvement. I did get requests from 3 agents. All are for partial manuscripts--the proverbial foot in the door--stops the door slamming in your face, but it doesn't open any wider. And I have 29 pending queries, but it's still early in the game, only 3 weeks into the process.
--and I have to admit this is the first time I've actually had more than two people request my story! YAY!
While I'm thinking about my next middle grade novel, I'm writing a romance (17K words into it) that I started a year and a half ago. It's a brand new story, though the plot is still the same. This novel has a lot of potential, but I don't belong to a romance group thus no support from that quarter. Again with the frustration due to my own making. I need to finish this rough draft before I allow anyone to see it as I'm too susceptible to other writers suggestions--not always to the benefit of the story.
I belong to a wonderful goals group, but I try not to whine to them. Sometimes it happens, but I try to keep on topic. I know they would show support, but they have their own problems to deal with. Again, with my own personal brand of isolation.
All in all, I'm trying to write without a support group of any kind, but it's hard.
I know, I know it's time to put on my big girl thong and hike it up--but, OW!--Damn it, that hurts!!
I feel better just venting on this blog, so what's a girl to do?
Write on, baby, write on!!
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