Story telling vs. Telling

Anyone can write a novel if you sit down and do it, BUT telling a story is a whole nuther beast!

One interesting tidbit that came about from the story in the paper was a phone call.  I have to admit that I'm not hard to track down, considering there are only about 5 Gollas in NE OK, so it didn't take a lot of looking to find me--Dude, I'm even in the phone book!

Anyhoo, I got a phone call on Wednesday and after a bit of phone tag I talked to the person--I'll simply refer to this person as DW--Delusional, self-pubbed, first-time Writer.  On an aside, I know this person will NEVER read this blog because DW doesn't think DW needs to learn anything about writing! DW was a cop and then a lawyer, plus DW reads and listens to TONS of books and can write better than any of the dreck out there! 

Sound familiar?  Yeah, DW is typical of about 99% of beginning writers, with the exception of the cop/lawyer scenario. And yes, I was one of them, too.

DW wrote a story (in 7 or 9 months) and self pubbed it.  DW wanted to know the super-secret password that got me into the paper--I wouldn't tell him! Just kidding!  Any writer out there KNOWS there is no easy way. My newspaper debut was simply a combination of timing, luck and networking. AND it wasn't about me so much as it was about the changing climate in publishing. PERIOD. (Since I wrote this, Connie Brockway-NY Times best selling romance writer-turned down a contract and is going rogue.  Her words not mine.  And Barry Eisler turned down $500K for a 2-book contract)


Did it sell more books?  NO. But it got my name out there.

Anyhoo, DW wanted to know how to go about marketing DW's story.  After a 40 minute talk, we parted ways with DW's, "You have my number, call me."  WTF??  DUDE--WHY WOULD I CALL YOU?? Talking to DW was like talking to a brick wall (cop/lawyer combo, remember?). In DW's words, DW's masterpiece was wonderful. DW's family and friends loved it (uh-oh). DW didn't need no stinking writer's group (I suggested Tulsa Night Writers) or critique group or to read books on craft (DW--if you lowered yourself to read my blog, call me--I have a list of books you need to invest in reading!)

But being a curious person--uh, every writer worth their salt is curious--I pulled up DW's story on Kindle.  What I have to say will probably come over as harsh, but I'm not DW's friend or family. I'm a writer who has been in the trenches for years, been there done that.
--and DW is in serious need of an intervention and reality check.

I had talked about the trifecta of self-publishing before (Please, DW click the link and read the blog) and I will re-iterated it here:

• Cover and title, including design
• Blurb
• First couple of pages

1. Cover/title:  The one thing DW did right was use a pseudonym!  The cover and title were good, but it was hard to tell if the story was a cozy mystery, a suspense or a thriller.  Each sub-genre of mystery-type books have a particular 'feel' to them.  This cover and title was a combination of all three, which makes for a wishy-washy presentation. The cover and title are your first chance to 'show' the reader what the book is about--THIS IS ALL ABOUT MARKETING YOUR STORY.
2. Blurb:  Oi!  DW's blurb was composed of three disjointed paragraphs. It didn't flow. It didn't make sense and it didn't keep me interested in the story.  It was just 'stuff' thrown out there.  Now, this isn't to say it couldn't be fixed, it can, but DW will have to open DW's mind to change and that the blurb isn't pretty. As a reader, I DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH TO READ ON.  This is the kiss of death.  The reader has to care about what happens to your main character, otherwise there isn't a story.-- Blurbs are hard. Blurbs take a unique skill to write and not everyone can write them well.  Think query letter.  I spent numerous drafts composing the blurb for GNOME, I ran it by numerous writer friends, and I rewrote it 10-15 times.  I still hated my last sentence. A writer friend has a genius concluding sentence that he said I could use. So I did. A writer can't throw a decent blurb together in 15 minutes and expect to do it right.  Well, a writer can, but it ends up being a disjointed, uninteresting mess.
3. Pages:   First pages must be downloaded free for the potential reader.  I had to download a sample onto my Kindle--And I stopped reading after I read the first sentence.  Back-story, info dump says it all.  Very, very typical of a first time writer.  And then add the bullet point sentence structure courtesy of the cop/lawyer background and DW can wave good-bye to potential readers.  Back story info dump is all the crap  a writer needs to know about the main character that the reader doesn't care about.  BSID defines the character, but the reader doesn't give a rat's patootie about how the character evolved. --Start the story WITH the story! What happened to start the ball rolling in THIS story? This is imperative in all books, but especially with mysteries.

And that's my rant in a nutshell.  It is a rarity that a potential writer strikes gold with their first story and I bet if you ask them, those writers will tell you that they have been writing fiction all their lives, not just 7-9 months. Writing non-fic for a living doesn't count.

If you've never heard this saying, it's time to take note because I think there's something to it.

You have to write a million words of crap before you start writing gold.

I think I'm over my million words mark, and much of my first drafts are crap, but it's crap that improves its smell with serious editing.

Later, Peeps!