My friend, Cythia D'Alba posted some "You might be a redneck, if--" type of jokes on my GIAM goals loop. But I can't credit this to Cyndi, but instead credit goes to Leigh Duncan who came up with this wonderful list. So, with her permission, I'm posting it for your enjoyment.
For those of you unfamiliar with some of the acronyms, I'll translate in red. :-)
So, I was talking with a couple of my writing pals about the mistakes we made as beginning writers, and I came up with this list of things every romance writer needs to know. Take a moment. Enjoy a laugh.
- If someone says “head hopping” and you think “rabbits,” you’re not ready to publish.
- If you think POV (Point Of View) is a new kind of economy car, you’re not ready to publish.
- If your manuscript includes the phrases “swashbuckling hero” or “ripped bodice,” you’re out of touch with today's market.
- If you think goal and motivation are the same thing, you could use a workshop or two. By the same token, if you’ve never heard of Deb Dixon (Goddess Extraordinaire), you’re not ready to publish.
- If someone says your story needs GMC (Goal, Motivation, and Conflict) and you go looking for car dealerships, you’re not ready to publish.
- If you think a black moment has something to do with the stock exchange, you’re not ready to publish.
- If you think conflict is an argument, you’re not ready to publish.
- If you’re writing romantic suspense and don’t have a villian, you’re not ready to publish.
- If the hero of your series contemporary doesn’t appear before the third chapter, you’re not ready to publish.
- If you think HEA (Happily Ever After) is a sexually transmitted disease, you’re not ready to publish.
- If your hero and heroine fall in love at first glance and lovingly hold hands right through their happily-ever-after moment, you need to join RWA (Romance Writers of America) and educate yourself on romance in today’s marketplace.
- If you chose to write romance because you thought it was easy, you’re not ready to publish.
Feel free to add to this list.
Editing FAERIE like a fiend and I should finish my first round of edits by Friday.
Write on!
Funny. Nothing to add. Have fun with your fiendish edits.
ReplyDeleteI had to post this list--it was too funny! Only 48 more pages to edit, 2/3 of a synopsis, and 4 more installments of my Halloween serial blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm cookin' with gas this week!
I've never heard the term 'head hopping' before, so I'm clueless there.
ReplyDeleteI wanna be in your story! Is there room for a smartassed redhead fairy (or something) with a bad attitude? :)
Head hopping: when the writer delves deep into each speaking character's brain during a scene. It tends to give many of us contest judges headaches. :-)
ReplyDeleteFor example:
You and I are having a conversation. I'm the POV character--the reader knows what's going on in my mind (narrative) while I speak. Technically, I can't know what you're thinking, but I can read your body language.
Head hoppers will tell the reader what you're thinking and bounce back and forth between characters like a ping-pong ball.
I already stole your role-playing character's name, Jods! What more do you want?? :-) I'll have to think about what character fits your personality. Hmmm . . . no, not a gorgon, banshee was already taken. . .
I think Medusa suits me quite well.
ReplyDeleteMake sure my role playing character lives up to her name. She's kick ass! She kick the crap out of the heroine in Karin's novel. I'm just sayin'. :)
Uhm, right now, she's eleven--a total dorky clutz . . . sorry. :-P but she has a goblin PE teacher to whoop her into shape.
ReplyDelete